Tamao: Like I'm not even there
by Asakust
Summary: A Yaya's Voice side story Tamao decides to let go of her feelings for Nagisa, but it proves so difficult that she decides to resolve it with medications. How will she hold up? will Nagisa discover what's wrong? Norm Pairing unclear for now!
1. Filler ANotes

**Author's Notes:** This story might be rated M for drug use I'm not sure… I'll use T for now then, though not really the bad drugs… more on the "anti-depressants" and "sedatives". But I guess they more or less count right? Also a possible "Lime" later or at least hits of it depends if I can make the story bend that way.

And like Opposites Attract, I'm using a FILLER PAGE so that I can count how many people actually read each chapter. Again… I appologize if this is against policy. But I find it annoying that opening the latest story requires clicking the first chapter. Don't worry this will only appear in my works that are intended to have more than just one chapter.

_**Strawberry Panic: a Yaya's Voice Side Story: **_

_**Tamao: "Like I'm not even there…"**_

**Story Notes:** This story takes of sometime when Nagisa starts to spend a considerable amount of time with Shizuma. Also note that this story spouted as it's own story from my main story Yaya's Voice, so you might want to read that too but the story can stand on it's own.

This is a Tamao X Nagisa story, however do note that even as I write this I have not made a clear ending. And will not say that Nagisa will end up with Tamao… so if you're a Nagisa x Shizuma fan I hope that would be enough for you to give my story a chance.

Thank you! Please proceed to the next chapter if the story interests you!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Strawberry Panic. But I do own strawberries… the ones that were mixed in my milk… that… I just drank… O.o;; … goodbye strawberries T.T;;


	2. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Strawberry Panic. But I do own strawberries… the ones that was mixed in my milk… that… I just drank… O.o;; … good bye strawberries T.T;;

_**Please Review!!!**_

_**Strawberry Panic: a Yaya's Voice Side Story: **_

_**Tamao: "Like I'm not even there…"**_

_**Chapter 1**_

Suzumi Tamao was in the dorm room that she shared with Aoi Nagisa, her friend, classmate, roommate and she prays no one else realizes love interest. A secret she shares with only one person… Hikari.

It was an odd twist of fate actually… about a more than week ago; the blonde girl came to her and asked for some advice with regards to her best friend. It seemed that she was beginning to think that she was having problems with her, it wasn't that they were having a fight again… but rather because she was confused on what to think or feel for the girl. Tamao helped Hikari understand her troubles and helped her realized that she might have deeper feelings for her raven haired friend. It was also she that helped the blonde girl decided whether or not to try and see what she really felt for her bestfriend.

It was Hikari that helped her decided what she would do for her best friend. Yet in the end it was Nagisa herself that sealed her choice.

She was listening to the recording of Nagisa's screaming, while she lay bored on her bed. Usually the said voice recording of Nagisa screaming in fear that she had always found very cute made Tamao tremble in excitement and delight.

But that had not happened in days… She pressed the 'Stop' button on the device, which ended the playback of the voice recording before pressing 'rewind'. She let out a soft sigh, knowing that it did little to alleviate her situation. The blue haired girl was depressed… to put it lightly. But one thing more painful than being sad to her was being lonely. She thought Nagisa would have probably forgotten by now… the story of "the girl who waited for the day she wouldn't have to be alone in the two bed room anymore." She let out another sigh again, thinking that it was a stupid title to give it.

She had been lying on her bed since she had gotten back from class. Her friend had decided to visit the Etoile's private garden… The one of three places Tamao swore she'd avoid at all costs. It wasn't like Nagisa had invited her to come along anyway. She often visited the silver haired young lady to help her practice the play that the dorm was going to perform. The very same one she wrote…

She turned her head and stared at her friend's empty bed, thinking about all the silly things that she used to do when the red haired girl wasn't around. She had even made a list of it in her "Nagisa-chan Data" notebook. It consisted of things like; hug and sniff Nagisa's pillow, Check Nagisa's underwear drawer, or even read the girl's diary. But in the end… she felt incredibly foolish for all the things she's been doing secretly. And maybe even in a way… she found herself as a disgusting girl.

Like she said to Hikari… "The situation may be the same… but people are different." She quoted herself from that time. She believed that unlike her, Yaya was the better person and probably had an insurmountable chance to gain her beloved's affections… insurmountable, at least compared to hers. And though they may seem to act alike sometimes, they are in fact very different... For one thing, Yaya seemed to know the limits of teasing.

'_All of it will have to end.'_ Tamao thought. As much as she enjoyed doing all the things she had done to and with Nagisa. She had to face the truth… She was nothing but the girl's classmate and roommate. And if she wasn't so hung up on hating herself, she would have called herself the red haired girl's friend too at the very least. It didn't take too much for her to decide to stop doing the things she's done. And of course the thought of her being a nuisance and or a pain if she were Nagisa didn't help her at the very least.

'_No more of that tomorrow.'_ She said to herself, with a gleam of determination in her eye.

'_Unlike before, she doesn't need me anymore.'_ It was a painful thought. But only because it was true, the red haired girl was becoming more and more independent of her. It became rare that the girl would come to her begging for some help. How she missed those days, she believes no one would understand.

Click! Her recorder stopped rewinding the tape. She quickly presses 'Rec' the only red button and tapes over the recoding of Nagisa's voice with nothing but air.

_'I'll… change… like… it'll… be like… I'm… not even… here.'_ The sedative she had taken before she had laid down was taking its effect. She had gone to a psychiatrist days ago, and had somehow stage and interesting act that allowed her to purchase sleeping pills and anti-depressants or "happy pills" as the doctor would like to call it. She found herself desperate for it, as she had found it increasingly difficult to hide her emotions from the red haired girl. She believed that Nagisa would become suspicious of her and start to ask questions if she became too depressed… and knew that the best way out of it is to act normal as much as humanly possible, which was something she believe she could not do without the medication.

Slowly Tamao was drifting into a deep sleep. Falling away to safety from her thoughts and misery, headed into her dream world where she hoped that at least for a while she could ease her own suffering.

A few minutes later… the door opened revealing a grinning Nagisa. She was humming a choir song before she entered, which quickly ended when she announced her return. "I'm back! Tamao-cha... oh…" The red haired girl was surprised to see her roommate sleeping on her own bed, still in her Autumn and Winter Miator school uniform and without tucking herself under her blankets.

She entered the room and closed the door behind her quietly so as not to wake the sleeping girl. Unknown to her that even an earthquake or her shrilling would not wake the sedated girl, not for a few hours at least. She sat down in her desk and decided to get some homework done before dinner. But after opening her textbook and notebook, it occurred to her that she had not fully understood the lecture and was thinking of asking Tamao to explain it to her. She decided to take a walk while waiting for dinner… hoping that Tamao would wake up from her nap then.

But the blue haired girl didn't wake up. When Nagisa had returned, she gently shook the sleeping girl to wake her for dinner. However the girl was in such a deep sleep that she had to give up and have dinner without her usual companion. She was about to leave when she notices that Tamao carried a frown on her sleeping face and she could tell from the way her eyes move… that the girl was having a dream, one sad enough to make the girl cry in her sleep. Still she had tried everything she could think of that she would do wake up the sleeping girl, except for a few that she would only do if absolutely necessary, but to no avail. The red head pondered on what could be ailing her friend as she headed down for dinner.

Tsukidate Chiyo, Nagisa and Tamao's room temp and underclassman, sat beside Nagisa at dinner. At first she had not realized that their usual company, Suzumi Tamao, had not yet arrived. It was only after the Etoile's prayer before dinner did she noticed and decided to ask the girl's friend and roommate. "Nagisa-onee-sama? Where's Tamao-san?"

Nagisa had just swallowed the last spoonful of her soup; she quickly turns her attention to Chiyo. "Tamao-chan?... She's in bed already. I can't seem to wake her up."

"She won't wake up? Wow. I wonder what she had done that would have made her so tired." said Chiyo before placing another pinched piece of bread into her mouth.

"I don't know… But… I've never seen her frown like that…" Nagisa absently mention Tamao's frown as she took another bite of her bread.

Chiyo gave it some thought and then said; "Maybe she got some bad news from back home."

Nagisa pondered on Chiyo's speculation and thought that it was possible. "That could be the case." She muttered as she looked down into her half empty soup bowl. The red haired girl was beginning to worry for her friend who wasn't acting quite like herself at all. She knew that it wasn't that time of the month she just had it almost a week ago. It couldn't possibly be the girl's grades… Tamao was one of the smartest girls in school. It couldn't be bullies, the blue haired girl was celebrity and very much loved in her own right.

Chiyo motioned on dropping the subject for now, after saying that it would probably be best if they just asked her tomorrow. They continued with their meal and talked about other things that night. A part of Nagisa's mind however was locked into reminding her of the sad image of her friend as she slept.

After the meal, Chiyo had convinced Nagisa into walking her to her room. The two talked while they walked. Chiyo asked for certain advices that she guessed someone a few years her senior can be give a more or less typical answer to. But her true purpose was to spend as much time as possible with her favorite red headed sempai. The short walk gave her ten more minutes of alone time with her, something that almost made her want to thank Tamao for sleeping early that day.

Upon reaching the door, the two then said their goodnights and goodbyes. Nagisa watched as her underclassman walked away, looking back at her and waving for at least two doors before looking forward and slowly walking faster.

Nagisa entered her room once again. She was surprised to find Tamao still sleeping, exactly as she left her. She had not moved an inch at all. In defeat, she decided to go next door and ask their neighbors for help with her homework no matter how embarrassing it was to do so.

The next day, Nagisa was woken up by her roommate. "Nagisa-san. Nagisa-san… It's morning. We'll be late."

The red haired yawned and stretched, she looked at her blue haired roommate and said; "Just five more minutes." before curling up back under her sheets.

Tamao sighed and decided to resort to a dirty tactic that she was sure to wake the girl up. She lowered herself so that her face was near the sleepy girl's ear, she then whispered; "Etoile-sama is here."

"**EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHH?!?!!!" **screamed Nagisa who in an instant sat up and looked around the room for the silver haired Etoile. As much as it pained Tamao, she forced a smile on her lips and pushing her luck as she faked a soft laugh.

"Tamao-chan! That was mean!" Nagisa looked at her roommate with a big angry pout.

'_Yeah… it was, I guess I've always been mean to you haven't I? Messing around with you and bothering you a little too much. I'm really sorry Nagisa.'_ Tamao thought still holding her fake mischievous smile. "You should hurry and get dress. Or you'll be late." She said as she picked up her book bag and proceeded towards the door.

"eeh?... Aren't you going to wait for me?" asked Nagisa, who had jumped out of her bed and opened her dresser to change. She looked over towards the door where her pony tailed roommate was standing daring to open the door.

There was a short pause… Tamao for a moment considered waiting for her after all. But in the end, the side of her that didn't want the red head girl to see her jealousy and hurt won and told her to get away as soon as she could. "I just thought it would do some good not to spoil you too much." She immediately said something she just thought of that moment.

"ehhhhhhh…" Nagisa groaned and pouted disappointedly at her friend. "Please wait for me Tamao-chan!" she asked before taking out a fresh uniform.

For a second there Tamao was actually tempted to listen to her friend's pleas, but she knew she can't keep up her acting for much longer. She knew that it would be best for her to keep some distance from Nagisa to help her get over cute red head, so that at least once it was all over they could still be good friends. But with an almost waning resolve she decides to get out of the room and quickly tells the girl; "I'm sorry I have some things I have to do. I'll see you later, Nagisa-san." with a big but forced smile on her face. She then opening the door and waved at her roommate who was paused from getting dressed before leaving the room to give her one last pout.

Once outside, Tamao had to lean on the wall to keep upright. She somehow felt a little out of breath form just that short moment with her roommate. She could feel that her heart hurriedly pumped blood almost painfully inside her chest. She rushed to take out a pack of medicine from her pocket, quickly tearing off one of the sealed pockets revealing a small capsule. She takes it into her hand and pops it into her mouth and immediately forced herself to swallow the thing without water. She then begins to walk away from the door, heading down to grab some breakfast. She could feel that effect of the anti-depressant after a few minutes or so after she had swallowed it. Her mind and chest felt a bit lighter, in an almost sleepy way. She didn't think she needed to take it so early in the morning. After all she had taken the sedative just last night. But apparently she had to… she just hoped she'll get over it and not become addicted or too reliant on the medications.

Meanwhile back in the room. Nagisa had just finished putting on the last bit of her uniform and was about to leave the room when she realized that she hand not washed her face, brushed her teeth nor fixed her hair. Cursing a little about how she hated the morning while she rushed to get at least the first two done.

She took that time ponder about her friend. _'What's wrong with Tamao-chan today… she's acting weird. First sleeping like a rock yesterday and then not waiting for me…'_ Her eyes opened wide when she remembered a small but odd detail _'San?… she called me Nagisa-san didn't she?… why?'_ she pondered the thought as she rushed to her desk and looked at herself in the mirror. One look and she decided not to worry about her hair for now deciding to just brush it a little to get rid of the bed hair and just wear it down.

She then headed out of their hoping that Tamao was just outside and was kidding about not waiting for her. But the empty hall immediately crushed the little wish. She then decides that she'll worry about her friend later, she needed to focus on getting at least a sandwich from the dorm's dining area and eat on the way to class.

Meanwhile, Tamao was already on her seat slumped on her desk with odd and creepy smile on her face. _'It feels nice… why haven't I gotten these sooner… Oh yeah, because I'm not really sick. Hehehe…'_ she thought happily as she noticed that she didn't feel pained even when she was thinking of Nagisa. _'My heart is beating so slowly… and I don't feel hot everywhere… This is nice…'_ She felt so relaxed that she was unaware of the odd curious glances of her classmates, though at that point she didn't feel the need to care either.

After a few minutes the door slid open loudly, revealing a sweaty and heavy panting red haired girl.

"Oh! Aoi-san, you made it. Sensei isn't here yet." said one of their classmates.

"Thank God…" Nagisa let out a loud relieved sigh as she finally began catching her breath.

"Oh yeah… It's rare to see you and Suzuki-san to come in separately." said the same classmate.

"You should shape up a little Nagisa-san, Tamao-san might be getting tired of rushing when you're both late in the morning." said another.

All the red haired girl could say to that was; "…I guess so." She looked at her friend, who had folded her arms together and was using it as a fleshly pillow as she lean and rested herself on her desk. _'Tamao-chan… what's wrong?'_

_**To be continued…**_

_**PLEASE REVIEW!**_

**Author's note:** No Tamao's story didn't have a title XD, and I'm not sure if Nagisa did have a diary. But that's besides the point. The point was that some of the things that Tamao does are weird and almost if not yet already obsessive. Anyway I will try to make this story synchronize with Yaya's voice. (It will be difficult but I'll try my best. That would mean that this will be less updated compared to Yaya's Voice… But please bear with me. )


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